i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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