Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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