so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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