so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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