Acid is not a monday night drug
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
