i just wanna soil my oats bro
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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