So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
