There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize