chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
