All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
