i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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