I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
