Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
