You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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