she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
