Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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