i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
