Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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