i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
