I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
