Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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