It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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