So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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