Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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