Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
