It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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