3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
