Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
