all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
