Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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