Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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