No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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