If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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