and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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