Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
