I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
