And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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