ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
