I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
