She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
