What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
