last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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