I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
