sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
