can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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