dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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