Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
