he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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