I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
