i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it was like eating out sand paper
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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