i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
