Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
