I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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