No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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