Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
