...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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